thoughtful. clever. PS I don’t care who you are, sexual innuendo jokes never get old.

Success is a funny thing. It is one part “Do I deserve this?”, one part “Holy crap I am overwhelmed” and a tiny bit of “what can I ignore to prove that I’m not superhuman?”

The answers to these in order are, “Yes”, “I know you are, start waking up before 8am”, and “Your diet isn’t the correct answer here.”

I am on track this year to make almost double my last full-time job’s salary, and I don’t tell you this to brag, but rather to say that this doesn’t come easy. It is a lot of trying to sell yourself to anyone who possibly is half listening and a lot of late nights holed up in the office, wishing you could watch Big Bang Theory with your husband downstairs.

It’s so easy to be dramatic when things are going well. As with many things in my life, I wonder how I got it so good and what I can do to make sure it keeps happening. I’m at a crossroads now, and Lazy Kelsey needs to accept that success is going to happen, and while I’ve been able to skate by getting out of bed around 9am, in order to stay on the Starship of Success (anyone else have Nicki Manaj’s latest hit totally stuck in their head?), this needs to change. I complain about being so stressed and busy, but when your ass doesn’t get out of bed until 9am, what do you expect? Especially when the rest of the working world (aka your clients) are AT WORK at 8 am.

I also decided being overwhelmed with work wasn’t enough and I signed up to take a twelve week nutrition/weight loss class, where you get fined $1 for every pound you gain. For someone who is known for eating when working, this isn’t good. You would think money would motivate almost anyone, but as my food diary yesterday shows, this isn’t always that case.

However, today is the day to turn things around. OK, I did wake up at 10am, but that isn’t my fault. The alarm didn’t go off! (And who sleeps from midnight to 10am?! Seriously.)

New schedule- wake up at 7:30 am. Email. Exercise (aka RUN for the 10k I thought would tack on for on May 5th), Dogs, Email. Shower. WORK until 5 or 6. or 10. Whatever it takes to get things DONE.

Because I didn’t work this hard to let it all fall down the crapper.

Yes, it exists. And yes, it’s delicious. Here’s what you’ll need.

Ingredients

• 1 packet Quaker High Fiber Brown Sugar Oatmeal OR
• 3/4 cup old-fashioned oats
• 1 tbsp. Peanut Butter (put this last)
• 1/2 to 3/4 scoop Chocolate Protein Powder
• 2/3 to 3/4 cup of water—less water equals thicker  oats

1. Combine all ingredients except peanut butter into microwave-safe bowl.
2. Top with peanut butter. Don’t stir in.
3. Heat in microwave for one minute, fifteen seconds.
4. Take out and stir in peanut butter.
5. Savor and enjoy.

Mac apparently hates Easter. He tried to eat a baby bunny whole, length-wise, like he was in a hot dog competition. Relaxed-throat style. Luckily, I could tell it wasn’t poop he was ingesting and saved it. Go me for preventing future puked up bunny in our house.

It’s not dead, I swear. Just busted-looking.

I would say that the bunny should be grateful, but unfortunately, I think its legs or back is broken. We found two others, loaded them up in a shoe box, and transplanted them on the other side of the yard, where the dogs can’t get to them.

Luckily, being blind comes with the benefit of not seeing your busted brother who is sharing the same shoebox as you.

Brent (My step-dad) said that the Mommy Bunny should find them and will cart off the healthy ones and if the busted one is going to die, Mommy Bunny will abandon it. Dead weight, I guess.

That makes me think, Mommy Bunny would have been good at Oregon Trail back in the day. I wish you could just dump family members that have dysentery. Like seriously people, wash your hands and stop getting dysentery. And while we’re at it, does Little Billy have to break his leg or arm every time we go on The Trail? Also, why do I have to do all the hunting and fishing? That shit is hard. What are the rest of you doing? Lying around, having dysentery?

Rude. Mommy Bunny would have left your asses back at the last fort.

I was lucky enough to receive the 2012 Love VoxBox from influenster earlier this month. Contained in the box were Kiss nail appliques, truvia and ghirardelli samples, a box of tea bags from Stash Tea, and a set of the Gillette Venus moisturizing razor.

I was super excited to try everything out—here is an overview of what I thought of the products.

Ghiradelli Milk Chocolate Creamy Devotion Bar—I usually don’t go for milk chocolate (I usually like dark), but this one was very creamy and smooth. My husband enjoyed it too…it was gone quickly, especially after I put it in the freezer so we could eat it cold!

Truvia Natural Sweetener Sample- I regularly buy this brand so I was excited to just receive more of what I already loved. I use truvia in baking, for iced tea, and in drink mixes, like Kool-Aid. It is really easy to use and I love the packaging (I’m a sucker for a well-designed logo).

Stash Tea Sampler- I’m normally a chai latte drinker, but I loved all the flavors of tea that came in the sample box. My business partner, Bethaney, is a heavy tea drinker and enjoyed sampling the tea as well.

Gillette Venus & Olay Razor- This was my favorite find. I have VERY sensitive skin. And when I say sensitive I mean, hives if I don’t use hypo-allergenic detergent and fabric softener and I have had eczema since I was born. The Venus razor came with a moisturizing bar attached and it made a HUGE difference! My legs and armpits are so smooth and I love the suction cup holder it came with. It makes it easy to make sure the razor dries out after every shower. I would be most likely to buy this after my sample runs out.

Kiss Nail Dress- The design that was sent to me was pink zebra stripes with rhinestones—definitely not something I would buy myself. However, I am going to put them on my toes. It will definitely be fun and something different. The Kiss instructions looked easy to follow and I’m excited to have rhinestones on my toes! I would probably buy this product again, and I might try out another design.

Thanks to Influenster and the above brands for letting me try out the products!

I tore up some shit in my garden for about five hours yesterday. MyFitnessPal claims I burned over 1200 calories; I took that as a sign to eat buttered popcorn during 21 Jump Street last night after I was done.

Anyway, here is what the garden looked like before:

the green bushes in the back and side were literally growing into the house. Under the paint. Weird. Then we have some random daffodils that did didn’t even know I had near the front.

And here is the after (but the before of adding mulch and praying for those bushes to grow back:

I had H help me take out 2 bushes, and then I added lilacs and hacynithowever you spell them. I realize this looks questionable, but let’s pretend the 2 bushes in the middle and the chrystamican’tspellthiseither have all grown in.

I also added some tulips around one of the trees that used to have some sort of flowers growing around it:

It was windy, let’s pretend they stand up straight.

I realize that is a lot of pretending for one gardening blog post that was supposed to show results…so maybe next so-called garden post I’ll get some mulch and we can pretend the garden went from “what the hell is she doing” to “Kelsey is a Gardening Goddess”.

True story. I can’t believe it myself. Twenty-four hours ago, I smashed a guitar on stage at SXSWi in front of 1000 people with Rainn Wilson from The Office. Eight hours ago, I semi-stole this photo from Getty Images:

Then the photographer told me about this Mashable story…

Life is awesome.

Thank you SoulPancake for the opportunity to beat the crap out of a brand new guitar and Brandon Smith at Mashable for the pics and shout out on Rainn Wilson Talks Altruism on the Web, Then Smashes a Guitar at SXSW.

Yep. So that happened. Exactly what it sounds like, whereas “poop” is the adjective, describing the vomit. No wonder H hates Charlie. I did too, especially when he coughed up two piles of poop vomit, once on the stairs and once on the wood floor.

Want to get sympathy? Truck over to Wal-Mart at midnight, only purchasing rags, “Urine Be Gone” and Anti-Coprophagia pills. Even the midnight Wal-Mart cashier can piece together that something has gone terribly, horribly wrong.

Dry heaving into your sweatshirt while putting piles of vomit-soaked paper towels into Ziploc freezer bags just isn’t a pleasant experience. And while I tried to tell H that this is just preparation for the exploding excrement of our future offspring, he didn’t seem to qualify it as a proper excuse.

So eat up, Charlie. Just know that the next time, I may be waiting around the corner to spray you with the hose, right into your face.

Bullseye.

Holla! I’m so happy it’s March 1st. After my 25th winter, I am ready for Spring, Summer, and Fall again.

You know what is about to get decimated this Spring?

This hot mess:

Lord help the person who designed this crap of a garden. I hate all the bushes (the 4 dead ones plus the huge one in the back, and those tulips are so randomly placed!

I am going to pop the roof off this mother and add in some more peonies and lilies that actually aren’t yellow and dying. Get ready ‘burbs, this gangster is about to show you how it’s done.

Photo from http://smittenkitchen.com/2007/10/peanut-butter-brownies/

From Penzeys Spice Magazine, Serves 16

Ingredients:

• 1/2 cup peanut butter
• 1/3 cup softened butter
• 2/3 cup white sugar
• 1/2 packed brown sugar
• 1 egg
• 1/2 tsp. vanilla
• 1 cup flour
• 1 tsp. baking powder
• 1/4 tsp. sea salt
• 2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips, 1/2 cup set aside for topping

Instructions:

1. Preheat oven to 350F.
2. Grease a 9×9 or 8×8 pan.
3. In a bowl, mix peanut butter and butter
4. Gradually fold in both sugars, the egg, and vanilla
5. In a separate bowl, combine flour, baking powder, and salt.
6. Stir flour mixture into peanut butter mixture.
7. Fold in 1 1/2 cups chocolate chips until they are spread throughout the batter.
8. Pour dough into the pan evenly.
9. Bake for 25-35 minutes.
10. When pulled out of the oven, put the remaining 1/2 cup chocolate chips on top.
11. Allow to cool completely before cutting.

Nutritional Information

• Serving Size: 1/16 of pan
• Calories: 250
• Fat: 14g
• Sodium: 115mg
• Carbs: 32g
• Fiber: 2g
• Sugar: 24g
• Protein: 4g